Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Digital Neosporin.

I managed to avoid the Facebook bubble for years. Never had one when I lived in NY/NJ, never had one when I was going to college near my hometown. I signed up upon my roommates insistence, but deactivated after exactly 24 hours.  I didn't want to be so accessible, I didn't want to be so on the grid, and I really really didn't want to have to hear and see all of the girls that were much cooler than me on my ex-boyfriend's profile. I didn't want the burden. I didn't want the worry, and the anxiety that would come after.

I declared to the world that I was mysterious.

I couldn't be tagged
I couldn't be mentioned
I didn't have a wall
I wasn't searchable
I wasn't aware of "How totally great that bagel from Einstein's was that morning!"
 No one could poke me
My status updates were kept in my head as thoughts
I couldn't be unfriended on a whim
There weren't 1,000 different engagement photo sessions for me to peruse of bubbly people in love
No pictures of shiny new cars
No photos of weddings, of babies, of new jobs, of trips around the world
Nothing that could possibly contribute positively to my everyday life

Well, that ended in (approximately) the end of 2010.

What I've ultimately learned through social media is that happiness actually feels 10,000x happier when you've gotten 76 Facebook likes and 52 comments.
You really do feel special when your phone beeps incessantly throughout your birthday, each time alerting you that a new 'friend' has written their polite sentiments of congratulations for turning another year older. I sometimes wonder if any of them are actually happy about it.
Having 40 different Twitter followers @you with words of encouragement after tweeting about something you wanted but didn't work out makes the bitter sour of the real world taste a lot more sweet. 

It speeds up the healing process.  It's the digital Neosporin. 

Now I have to deal with this bullshit everyday. Because it's the easiest way to communicate, to network, to interact.

CAUTION: When the time comes I am going to post 10,000 engagement pictures, you fucks.

I haven't updated this in almost 4 months. Forgive me, life has been a little crazy. The ups, the downs, the unexpected surprises. I'll be back soon.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

022 glitter pumpkins and coming to terms with my obsession with halloween.

What do you do with a rainy day and a plethora of delicious pumpkin coffee?
You slather paint, glitter, and Mod Podge all over those mini pumpkins.

These are my major contributions to Halloween decorations.
It is still yet to be seen what kind of impact the impending Christmas holidays will have on my desire to obsessively craft, but I foresee myself crafting obsessively. 

Monday, October 22, 2012

0021 in case there was any confusion.

In case there was any confusion of who I support, love, and am voting for.


My neighborhood doesn't allow any political signs.
I found a way to get around that.

Let's ROCK THE VOTE, ladies.

0020 sontag on love.

Monday, October 15, 2012

0019 how to ruin your life.

How to Ruin Your Life

Get stuck. Stay in one place your whole life. Always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. Become the type of person who sends back lattes. Save up your money for a plasma TV instead of a plane ticket. Talk a lot about things you know nothing about. Have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive.

Refuse to forget your ex. Make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them. Hug your knees under the sheets and think about how safe you felt when they held you at night. Remind yourself daily of how empty you feel. Find new ways to make yourself sad.

Get drunk all the time. Consider no Saturday night, national holiday or extended happy hour complete without a vodka-induced breakdown. Graduate college but keep drinking like you’re still in it. Notice that cheap beer tastes watery and stale when you drink it alone but drink it anyway. Look at old Facebook photos wasted and wonder where everyone went.

Never drink. Never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. Treat your body like the temple it is and say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. Take fifteen different dietary supplements. Monitor carefully. Succumb to nothing. Miss out on everything.

Compare yourself constantly, to everyone. Allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. Scroll through skinny girls on the internet feeling wistful and inadequate. Pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror. Sigh a lot. Sigh all the time.

Don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. Put an impenetrable wall between yourself and other people. Add a fire-breathing dragon and eight yards of barbed wire. Be suspicious of everyone’s motives. Hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for.

Fall in love with everyone and everything. Run after the next best thing like it’s a bus you’re perpetually late for. Throw your heart into every other stranger’s hands and be genuinely surprised to be hurt. Refuse to learn. Refuse to ever learn.

Friday, October 5, 2012

0018 h a l l o w e e n.

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and every year more and more costume and make-up tutorials pop up on YouTube that are both incredibly helpful and entertaining. 

Here are some of the better tutorials I've found! I'll be adding more to this post as the end of the month zombie-walks itself closer.